We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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