You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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