you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
