she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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