I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
