shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
