Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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