I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
