dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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