butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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