brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can text with my tongue
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
