Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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