Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
