i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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