i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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