I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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