i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
