if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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