I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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