Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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