Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
