With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
