why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
