At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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