speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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