Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
