The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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