nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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