Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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