Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
