Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
