you traded sex for a burrito?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
