I wish life had little blips of pornography
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
