Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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