Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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