I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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