Plan B is the new Plan A
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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