Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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