i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
