omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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