Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
