put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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