Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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