I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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