wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
