You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
