Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
