he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
