We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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