I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
