so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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