I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize