I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize