You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
