It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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