Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
