4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
