its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
