I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
