this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
