Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
