at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
