And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
